Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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