Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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