Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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