um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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