I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
