Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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