okay pat passed out under dana's car
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
NoShamevember. You game?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
