My nipple is on Facebook.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
