Soap is not a condiment
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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