a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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