Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
