Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
