God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
