she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
