just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
