i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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