tell your sister to shave her snatch
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
