Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
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I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
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I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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