We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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