If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
