Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
