His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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