the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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