Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
