you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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