Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
