Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
