I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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