i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
