Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
