Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
