So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
