You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
