and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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