i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
