...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
