you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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