Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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