tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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