how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
