She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
