I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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