My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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