By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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