well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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