JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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