all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
