So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
third nipple confirmed
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
