Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
