i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
