I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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