dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
