We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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