If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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