I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
