Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
