u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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