Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
