So drunk its hurt
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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