Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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