Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
