There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
