Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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