Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Sober January is a disaster.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
