the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize