so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
