It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize