Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
