It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
